Will you take his name?


MR & MRS

When it comes to taking your partner's name, where do you stand? We asked three women who made very different decisions...

PROUD TO BE HIS MRS - Maria Davis on becoming Mrs Court

Wedding pictures DESPITE my surname – Davis – being one of the most common in Britain, it’s always been pretty important to me.

Especially so when I was younger, I think.

The family name was above our shop in Charmouth, the Dorset village in which I grew up, and having two older brothers I often heard us collectively termed ‘those Davises!’

When I was in my teens and 20s I cringed at the thought of even getting married, let alone changing my name.

Why did the women have to lose out on their identity? I thought.

If my future husband loved me enough he could change his name to Davis.

If he protested about holding on to his name then I had good enough ground to argue why I shouldn’t do the same.

The whole Miss and Mrs thing really got on my nerves as well. I reckoned that every female should be a Ms.

In an age of equality, why did society demand to know whether or not a woman was married to a man?

What should it matter? And why didn’t the same principle apply to men? Can you imagine the uproar if every male had to be known as ‘Master’ if they were a bachelor, and only when they were married did they become a ‘Mr’.

But I guess sometimes you’ve got to go with the flow of things.

As I grew older and more mellow, I began wondering why a couple of women I knew went down the traditional married route, but then were ‘independent’ enough to keep their maiden names.

I guessed it would start to get confusing, for them, especially if children were involved.

When my future husband, Steve, proposed I briefly toyed with the idea of maybe keeping my surname for work, or even going double-barrelled.

But to be honest, firstly I couldn’t be bothered with all the hoo-hah and confusion, and secondly, I knew that Steve would be deeply offended if I didn’t become Mrs Court.

Besides, in my book, marriage is all about becoming a unit, and I feel that by marrying him I am gaining far more than I would ever lose by shedding my surname.

PLAYING DOUBLES - Natalie Bruckner on becoming Mrs Bruckner-Menchelli

I NEVER dreamt I would get married.

In fact the thought of marriage to me was absolutely pointless, and then I met Michael.

I never thought I could feel this way for someone.

When I was younger I would envy those people who said they could remember the day when they discovered they had found ‘the one’.

I loved that idea, but in the back of my mind, I thought it was nothing more than a pipe dream.

Strange considering my parents had and still have the most perfect marriage.

So when I did eventually meet the man of my dreams I had a dilemma.

You see I am Natalie Bruckner, that is not only my name but it is my identity.

I may have been ribbed as a child for having a German background, but that just made me stronger.

I was proud of my origins and being one of only two girls who bore the name in our generation, so I wasn’t going to give that up.

Fortunately my partner understood my dilemma (probably because he knows how pigheaded I can be and that there is no point arguing), but I could tell he wanted me to take on his name, too.

So it seemed like the most sensible choice, to keep my name and adopt his this creating one of those very swanky double-barrelled names.

Now here’s the thing, my partner’s surname is Menchelli, which makes me Mrs Natalie Bruckner-Menchelli, quite a mouthful.

Of course I got a lot of ribbing when people find out what my name would be, but it still makes me smile.

Not only did I make Michael happy by taking on his name, I also made my parents quite proud that I loved my surname so much I was willing to keep it, and I think it sounds great.

On top of that, how often do you see a true German and Italian name together?

It just proves I am part of this whole EU debate.

OK so I am going to struggle with my signature, but it’s unique and that’s just how I like it.

MS-TAKEN IDENTITY - Sally Amess on becoming horribly confused …

TWO weeks after my honeymoon I got stopped for speeding.

When the policeman asked for my name I went into a blind panic and said: “Sally Amess, no, Sally Rowe, no Sally Amess”.

I felt like a criminal giving a false identity.

In reality I was trying to remember whether my driving licence was in my married or maiden name.

You see, I opted to keep my maiden name for work and my married name for home.

There was no feminist motive underscoring this decision, I happened to be a writer at the time and just thought it would be quite nice to keep my byline.

It seems simple enough, doesn’t it? In reality, having two names has been a bit of a nightmare.

For a start, all my banking is done in my maiden name, the name on the payslip.

But then writing a cheque in your maiden name when you are paying a bill in your married name causes all sorts of confusion, and involves me always having to put in a covering note explaining who I am.

And then, of course, there is the mortgage. This is in my married name.

So whenever we change lender or alter anything, we go through the whole performance of proving that Ms Amess is also Mrs Rowe.

And to set up most financial transactions you need to produce documents bearing your name and address.

But … I’m Amess on my passport, I’m Rowe on my utility bills, I’m Amess on my credit cards, I’m Rowe on my insurance policies, I’m Amess on my car insurance, I’m Rowe on my driver’s licence, I’m Amess on my vehicle registration….

When filling out paperwork or answering questions my husband frequently asks: “What do you call yourself for this, Amess or Rowe?”

As for being a Ms – don’t even get me started on that one.

I have toyed with the idea of becoming a full-time Rowe just for an easier life.

But will my employer cope with the change?

Well, my payslip says Miss Amess and my pension says Mrs Amess...